Relationship experts Dr. Karen and Dr. Darwin Perkins share the secret of how to attract a perfect spouse
DR. KAREN & DR. DARWIN PERKINS SHOWCASED ON THE STRIP LIVE FOR VEGASNET MEDIA
TheStripLIVE.com | LAS VEGAS | Media Showcase | Interview with celebrity guests Dr. Karen and Dr. Darwin Perkins for THE STRIP LIVE celebrity talk show | Director’s cut | Join new media producers and celebrity positioning specialists Maria Ngo and Ray DuGray as they hangout and showcase Dr. Karen and Dr. Darwin Perkins (relationship experts) on location at the MasterCAST LIVE event inside Alexis Park Resort in Las Vegas.
In this interview, Dr. Karen and Dr. Darwin Perkins share the truth behind what it means to have a happily-ever-after relationship. The doctors’ version is not the fairy tale one (sorry, you can put away the Cinderella slippers or royal cloak now). The take away is that the formula can be applied to all types of relationships not just romantic.
To watch more interviews showcasing success stories from top celebrities entrepreneurs, and industry experts live from Las Vegas, visit TheStripLIVE.com.
—[BEGINNING OF TRANSCRIPT] [Maria Ngo] Okay, Happily Ever After Experts, I want to talk to you now about being happily ever after in relationships. Now, I’m assuming, is it romantic relationships or is this family relationships? What type of relationships are you referring to? [Dr. Karen Perkins] Yes. [Maria Ngo] Once again, the yes. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yeah, it really is everything and the thing is, you know, everybody sits there and thinks about this truly happily ever after. You know, you think of Cinderella. You know, and they lived happily ever after, you know? [Maria Ngo] Yeah. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] And, but that’s where the story ends and that’s where our story begins most of the time, is, we have found somebody we believe is absolutely perfect and now it’s time to live our life and have the dream. [Maria Ngo] Mm-hmm [Dr. Darwin Perkins]The problem is that we have a hard time recognizing what that dream is and we have even harder time realizing that we are actually living the dream. It’s those disappointments and those things that happen that give us this mindset. In one of the books I read, and I’m sorry I don’t remember the name of it, it talks about two people but there’s three people in the relationship. There’s the persons and then there’s the relationship. So the way I think of her and the way I know she is gonna respond, is that relationship. It has nothing to do with her. [Maria Ngo] So it’s like your expectation of how she’s going to respond to it. [Dr. Karen Perkins] And I often respond differently because of the way he responds to me because he expects me to respond differently than I would have, had there not been that expectation. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] So all of that is a little bit deep but what it comes down to, is that you have a preconceived notion in your mind, not only of who you are, but who other people are too. [Maria Ngo] True. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] And what needs to happen is you need to be able to reevaluate that, you need to be able to clear some of those preconceived notions, and be able to look at your path through life differently, not I can’t or I shouldn’t or I don’t, but rather, here’s a possibility that might actually work, but it takes quite a bit of work to get to that point. [Maria Ngo] So how do we start developing that so our expectations will actually be the outcome that we’re looking for? [Dr. Karen Perkins] People rise to your level of expectation. I expect you to love me, I expect you to be nice to me, I expect you to do the things that are right for both of us, you will. If I expect you to do things that are selfish and self-centered and things that are gonna go against my wishes, you will. And not because you want to but because I’ve treated you as if you’re going to and you’re reacting subconsciously, if not consciously, to the way that I’m behaving. So I have to have a love affair with me, I have to have a love affair with you, and I have to have a love affair with the fact that we both want to do what’s right for each other. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] And the real point there that she hit very well, is simply that you have to have a love affair. You have to be in love with yourself, you have to know yourself, and you have to believe that you are the best person you can be at this point in time. That takes a little bit of practice and it takes throwing away some backend garbage. [Maria Ngo] Hmm. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yeah. When you grow up, you know, lots of people were telling me, “You’re dumb. You’re stupid. You’re not worth anything.” Or they’re telling you the other thing. You know, “You are so great. You are fantastic. You can do anything you want and you will accel at everything.” And now you haven’t. You know, and that’s almost worse than the other side, but it’s still baggage. It’s all baggage. And so you have to find a way to get rid of that. That’s what we walk people through. Get rid of the baggage, open up the door so you can see your path forward. [Maria Ngo] So what I’m hearing from you is, in order to have a great relationship, the happily ever after, no matter who it’s with, whether it’s in the workplace or whether it’s with your spouse, a sibling, that first of all, you need to really have a love affair with yourself. You have to understand who you are and how you like to receive messages and what messages you’re sending out. Then what I’m hearing from you is to get rid of that baggage, all that stuff that is disempowering to you, right. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Yes. [Maria Ngo] And that’s when you can proceed into having a healthy relationship with somebody else. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Exactly. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Yes. [Maria Ngo] I should be the Happily Ever After Expert. What do you think about that? [Dr. Karen Perkins] You are so … [Dr. Darwin Perkins] You did good. [Dr. Karen Perkins] You’re it. [Maria Ngo] This is probably the most important question that I think most people will ask in their life and that is, how do you find the one? How do you have that relationship that is as fulfilling in the beginning to carry on to 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road? And you guys, being the Happily Ever After Expert, and also, happily married experts. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Muah. [Maria Ngo] Are helping other people, kind of, find that one person for them. [Dr. Karen Perkins] First off, you have to be the one, to find the one, and I don’t like the term find. [Maria Ngo] Okay. [Dr. Karen Perkins] You have to be the one to attract the one, because if you are the one, you will attract to you, the kind of person that you really desire to be with.
– And if you think about it, regardless who you are, regardless how many relationships you’ve had, you have always attracted the kind of person you’ve been looking for. The problem is, you may not be looking for the right kind of person.[Maria Ngo] Hmm. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] And so, you go back to that exact same thing. Who do I believe I am? You know, what is my history? What’s all the baggage that I’ve got? What are the things that make me want to go for this type of person, whatever it is? You know, you hear a lot about the women who want the bad guy. [Maria Ngo] Yeah. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] You know, there’s a lot to that. You know, that’s an exciting person, that’s somebody who doesn’t exactly follow the rules all the time. [Maria Ngo] Yeah. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] You know, and that’s great but, quite frankly, how many bad guys actually settle down and get married? [Maria Ngo] Well, I was gonna say, “That’s all good until you have a kid with them, and then you’re like, wait a minute.” [Dr. Karen Perkins] Where are they? [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yep, exactly. [Dr. Karen Perkins] I think one of the things that, in fact Darwin was the one that went through this process with me and teaching it to me, was a great way to attract the one, is to go ahead and list out, oh 50 things, that would be your ideal mate. [Maria Ngo] Hmm. [Dr. Karen Perkins] And then start looking at those one at a time and asking yourself, “Do I do that? Am I that?” And doing what you need to do to actually incorporate that. If I want an honest person and I’m a habitual liar, I am not going to attract an honest person. [Maria Ngo] Yeah. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yeah, exactly, and even going farther than that, get those 50 things listed out, you know, and whatever they are, and then put I am in front of them and repeat them as your daily mantra. You know, “I am this … I am … I am good. I am great. I am outstanding. I am the kind of person who other people trust.” You know … [Dr. Karen Perkins] “I am kind. I am loving.” Yeah. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yeah, whatever those 50 things are that you’re looking for in your ideal person, list them out, say them over and over and over, because until you become that person, you’re not gonna attract that person. [Maria Ngo] So what’s different that I’m hearing from what I’ve heard in the past from other people, is that you need to become those things that you’re looking for in that person, which is easier said than done. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Oh yeah. [Maria Ngo] But when you’re making that checklist, and I’ve seen people do that, as, “Oh, that person’s got 9 out of a 10, or 9 out of 50.” [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Sure. [Maria Ngo] Yes or no. So how does somebody know that it’s not just being so analytical and so like, “Do you meet every parameter that I’m looking for?” To, “You know what, I’m … this is good?” [Dr. Karen Perkins] The checklist is more for you to become the right person. [Maria Ngo] Ah! [Dr. Karen Perkins] I would not sit down on a date and say, “Alright, let’s see you are missing number 14.” [Maria Ngo] Exactly, right? [Dr. Karen Perkins] “Number 28 and 32.” [Maria Ngo] You’re off my list. [Dr. Karen Perkins] “And until you can fix those three things.” No, what you do is you become the right person. [Maria Ngo] Yeah. [Dr. Karen Perkins] And now you find that the people sitting across the table from you- [Maria Ngo] It fits. [Dr. Karen Perkins] They fit and they not only fit, but those three things that weren’t a perfect fit, are not what you’re focused on anymore ’cause you’re no longer focused on are they perfect? You’re focused on, am I being the best me I can be? And am I allowing them to be the best them they can be? And are they within that realm of what I want to be around? [Dr. Darwin Perkins] And so then it’s a range. You know, is this person the kind of person that I would want to spend my life with? Because I’m the kind of person that I would, that somebody else would want to. If you start to think about that then it’s, does it match really well? Does it match kind of good? Does it match sort of, but take a chance? You know, and you will find those people who are instant click. We won’t tell the whole story, but we got married the first day that we met each other in person. [Maria Ngo] What? [Dr. Darwin Perkins] So, long story … [Dr. Karen Perkins] We’ll leave that for another mystery. [Maria Ngo] Okay. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Leave that one for another one. And we are very happy. Okay, because we found the kind of person that we needed to find or we attracted the right person. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Darwin is the perfect man for me. [Maria Ngo] Right. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Now is he perfect? Oh, no he’s not. But if he was 100% perfect, he wouldn’t be the perfect man for me. [Maria Ngo] Wow. [Dr. Karen Perkins] But for me, he is the ideal man. There is no one better and I can’t imagine not having someone this perfect for me as the person I get to spend my life with, and work with, and you know, we’re together more often than most people and it’s fabulous, and it’s fabulous because we were able to get in touch with who we are so that when the person came into the room, we recognized them. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] I’ll give you that 20 in a minute. [Maria Ngo] Oh, yeah. So, this is truly like, when you’re saying happily ever after, you’re not saying like, the fairy tale, perfect relationship you’re saying the perfect relationship for you. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Yes. Yes, that’s one of the things is for you, and that’s why it’s so important that you become the kind of person that you truly admire and want to be because you will attract the kind of person that you are, that’s just a guarantee. They say opposites attract, that, sorry doesn’t work that way. [Maria Ngo] Like attracts like. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Like attracts like and the more you see that, we work on the law of attraction whether we believe in it or even know about it, but we truly do attract those people that are like us. [Maria Ngo] Well I truly hope that people out there who are trying to attract that significant person in their life, truly do find and have that in their life, like I have. I’ve attracted my, you know, my spouse. We work 24/7, similar to the both of you, and it is just amazing, wonderful partnership and I think that’s the key. If you know who you are, you’re gonna attract that person, and they’re gonna know how to fit into your life, that helps and makes it bigger than you are. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Well, and we know that wonderful man that’s in your life, and we know that he has also become the wonderful person he wanted to be, and therefore, he attracted you as well. So it goes both ways. [Maria Ngo] Well, I’ve absolutely loved this and thank you so much for contributing and doing what you do and I really, really wish you continued success. [Dr. Darwin Perkins] Thank you. [Dr. Karen Perkins] Thank you so much. [END OF TRANSCRIPT]